For starters, there is no such thing as a Venezuelan. In Latin
America everyone is Mexican. If not, then you speak Portuguese. And before you
get the idea, allow me to tell you that it is pointless to try and explain to
your readers what the difference is. About 60% of them don’t really care about
your country, so just go straight to the point. However, if you do want people
to realize that it’s Venezuela you’re talking about, then here are a few things
that will make everyone understand more easily.
Firstly do not, EVER, speak badly of the government. Chávez was a
great hero and everyone loved him. Thanks to him the country is in a “decent
state.” It’s important to mention what a kind and gentle soul he was. And never
say anything about giving away practically free petroleum to other countries.
All the money the government makes goes toward helping the poor people inside
the country and toward giving power to the people. His successor, Maduro, is of
course a wonderful man too. Talk as nicely as you can of these great men and
your readers will love your work.
Always remember that all of the women in Venezuela are what defines
beauty. The women are the only good thing that comes out of the country. Don’t
mention Gustavo Dudamel or Maikel Melamed, because you will lose your audience.
Always make sure that you include a lot of women in your story, because that’s
the only thing people know about and will be able to identify with. And don’t
try to make your women smart, because you’ll confuse your audience.
If you want to include a guy in your story then you have two
options: either he’s a fat guy that drinks beer all day and deals drugs, or he’s
a skinny guy that robs places and deals drugs. And of course, never try to
bring up those malandros that work for the government on the streets
killing people. Remember that anyone who’s come out of the Chávez regime is
like a sacred figure. These men do not exist, and any good men can’t be round
characters. And every now and then make sure your male drug dealer fails
horribly, like crashing a plane with his cargo of cocaine on the mountains. And
always remember that everyone is poor and living on a shanty house. Yeah, this
doesn’t contradict the fact that the government still helps the poor people
more than anyone. Deal with it.
When it comes to music it is important that you note that the only
thing people can dance is Salsa. And you pronounce that with a swallowed L. You
can also mention Reggaeton and how popular it is. People love that kind of
crappy rap. Don’t worry, nobody will understand all the swear words, so you won’t
go get criticized for putting Reggaeton lyrics in your writing.
One of Venezuela’s most interesting points is its wide diversity in
landscapes, which includes plains, beaches, islands, many green mountains, a
desert, a snowy mountain, nice cities with lots of trees around and the ever
amazing Amazonian Rainforest with its Angel Falls. When it comes to writing
though, using all of these will be at your disadvantage, because people will
not understand where the action’s taking place. Always set your story either in
the gray downtown area of a violent city or in a messy jungle where the only
inhabitants are antisocial natives. Sometimes you can let the natives have a
magical shaman among them, but you should avoid such clichés and leave them to
the Africans. And remember the jungle can’t be the Amazonian rainforest because
that is only in Brazil and Guyana. Oh, and don’t mention the Angel Falls,
unless you want people to think of the Disney movie UP which copied the
waterfall.
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